Monday, April 10, 2006

balloons 2, Staten Island.


Anonymous Anonymous stared and said...

"Oi! You there! You in the blue!"


"I beg your PARDON?" Incredulous, annoyed.

"I'm CALLED Bertie."

Red sighs. "Fine, then. Bertie."

"Good morning," Bertie replies. "That is to say, what ho?"

"What ho? I'll bloody-well TELL you what ho, you barmy git. What ho is we're supposed to be at the party below, not bobbing about without a blasted tether. THAT'S what ho."

"Ah, that," Bertie replies. "Well it's nothing to get chuffed about, old cork. I just thought we could stand a bit of derring-do, if you get my meaning."

"I do NOT," Red snaps.

Derring-do! Adventure! Intrigue! Come now, old man..."

"I am no one's old man, and I bloody-well know what derring-do means, you inflated latex tosser. what I mean to say is, what is the PURPOSE of said derring-do."

"Ah! Yes! We're going to the moon!"

"We're WHAT?"

"Yep. Claiming it for the Realm."

"For the Realm? You're off your nut, you are. And the Yanks've already BEEN there, at any rate."

Bertie scoffs. "Been there, you say?"

"Aye," Red replies.

"Claimed the whole thing, did they? Well, that's just like them, innit?"

"I suppose it IS, at that, but that's hardly the point. We're balloons, for her Majesty's sake. We're full of AIR."


"AND, there ain't any bloody air up there. We'd get up there and pop, sure as Bob's your uncle."

"Come now," Bertie says, "you couldn't POSSIBLY know that. I once saw this movie where..."

"Oh, stuff it, would you? Yellow, TELL 'im we can't go to the bloody moon, would you?"

Yellow snorts. "Leave me out of it. You're blighters, the both of you, you ask me."

8:59 AM  
Blogger jenn see stared and said...

"i was on the moon...with steve..."

2:57 PM  
Blogger Chris stared and said...

On the moon with Steve?

I'm reminded of Cosmicomics by Italo Calvino. There's a story about a family harvesting milk from the moon with a giant ladder, and one day, one of them gets stuck.

Anyway, you got your dose of period British slang.

I can't decide if random acts of fiction are creepy or not. I hope not. Really, I'm just profoundly, profoundly bored (and, apparently, a LOUSY employee.) The life of a worker bee, I guess. There aren't enough interesting by-ways in this tangle of machines, or perhaps I'm too much the Luddite to find them. Anyways, I think my random acts of fiction are winding down. Thanks for humoring me!


3:40 PM  
Blogger jenn see stared and said...

aw, no...don't go! don't go!
this is far too much fun...

10:01 PM  
Blogger Chris stared and said...

Fair enough.

It's a shame -- I like the concept of anonymous fiction, but on the other hand, sharks patrol these waters (as Mark Sandman might say), so I figured it was only fair you knew where it was coming from. As long as you don't think I'm secretly making a person-suit, I guess we're cool.

Okay, NOW I sound creepy. Eh. At least it seems you travel with a Jedi.

2:29 PM  
Blogger jenn see stared and said...

i never leave the house without my jedi.

& any creepiness is totally mitigated by the musical reference.

don't you worry about the day-glo orange life preservers...they won't save you...

12:53 PM  
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